i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
