just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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