but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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