i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
