I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
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