Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
