He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
