Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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