Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
