Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
