Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm at about main and main street
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
