I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
