I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
