When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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