She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
