I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
