Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
