I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
