It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
