i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
