Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Randomize
