Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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