dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
