You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
tell me about the fingering
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