I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
