I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
