Porn is love you can see.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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