Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
