I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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