i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i dont even know how to be here
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
