I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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