at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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