Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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