Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
