it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
