Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
