In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
