There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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