Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
