First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
