..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
