why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
