I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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