Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
