The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
