a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
