words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
