i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
