The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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