i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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