You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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