He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
